Thanks to constantly rising obesity rates, fast food has a bad reputation, but in reality it has many benefits; in moderation of course. Truth is, I try to eat healthy by consuming lots of protein, along with foods that contribute to strong erections, but fast food provides a non-expensive dining option and a unique customer experience. In addition to offering a variety of menu items, each of these popular restaurants offers a very different dining environment. Let’s put the food quality debate aside for another day and take a look at my customer experience at some popular fast food restaurants.
Burger King – The progressive attitudes of Burger King employees is quite refreshing. I like that I can spend an extended amount of time in their bathroom without being harassed and they don’t seem to mind if I’m accompanied by a member of the opposite sex. The open mindedness of the staff doesn’t end there as they offer a drug and alcohol friendly environment. If this is a restaurant you visit often, I strongly recommend becoming a member of the exclusive Frequent Buyer Club.
Don’t forget to be courteous to staff by disposing of any condoms or drug paraphernalia while partying in a BK bathroom.
Wendy’s – Never in my life have I come across a bigger group of sexually immature people. Not long ago I felt an irresistible urge to pleasure myself while dining at Wendy’s. Since I had purchased a hamburger, I felt it was within my rights to masturbate quietly in the privacy of a bathroom stall. Unfortunately, the under-qualified manager disagreed and I was rudely escorted out of the restaurant and was told to never return. Not only was my privacy invaded, but I felt threatened, intimidated, and discriminated against. The uncivilized ambiance of the restaurant might be attractive to a studious religious type, but those of us who have an open mind towards a healthy sexual lifestyle should stay far away.
If you enjoy feeling an overwhelming sense of paranoia while dining, Wendy’s is likely the restaurant for you.
McDonald’s – If you’re looking for a restaurant that offers a sense of sophistication, then McDonald’s may be for you. Many of these restaurants have gone through an upscale renovation that seem to attract a diverse, tech savvy clientele, including an actual homosexual couple that I witnessed sharing a Filet-O-Fish. If you’re on a budget like me and looking for romance, why not take advantage of a two-can-dine for $7.99 special and snuggle up to one of the classy secluded fireplaces. One drawback to McDonald’s is their policy of not allowing customers to use their phone to make long distance calls. It shouldn’t matter if it’s an emergency or not, and quite frankly, it’s none of their business.
While their bathrooms aren’t fair game for sexual activity, McDonald’s free Wi-Fi offers pornography enthusiast a different atmosphere to watch their favorite adult film stars in action.
Arby’s – I’m pleased to announce that I’m once again in good standing with management of the local Arby’s. Several years ago, I was falsely accused of being responsible for an incident where one of their toilets was severely clogged and their plumbing was almost completely destroyed thanks to an abnormally large bowel movement left by my friend. After a lengthy back and forth and a threat of legal action, the manager agreed to reinstate my dining privileges with full drive-thru access. Just a classic misunderstanding I suppose.
It’s also nice that Arby’s doesn’t discriminate against those with criminal backgrounds, but is it really necessary to constantly warn us against the social stereotypes associated with being a “rat”?
It’s clear that fast food restaurants are much more than just a place to grab a quick bite to eat. They’re embedded into our social culture and provide a place for us to interact with friends, laugh with family members, and in some cases, experiment with drugs. Everyone’s experience is different, but my fast food customer experience likely isn’t that much different than some of yours.
So let’s hear it – Maybe you’ve been discriminated against like I was, or maybe you found love in a Burger King bathroom. Feel free to share your experiences with others and we can all work together to gain better insight into the culture of the fast food customer experience.